Walking away

One of our children's biggest milestones is walking. When you hear someone has a baby, we always ask "Are they walking yet?" It is more out of habit than actual interest. (maybe not) Being a mother of a special needs child - who was almost 2 when he walked -although I had to actually go back and look it up in his baby book to be sure. I am sure we celebrated when he did (finally) walk- but in the great myriad of things - today- almost 41 years later - It did not make the grade of important facts to remember.

When our precious Sawyer was diagnosed with Williams Syndrome - the "Is he walking" question came up. I suppose some would like to add "Will he walk?" Yes! He will walk- in his own good time; just like any other child. A friend of mine shared that her 3 boys (all perfectly normal) - were 16-18 months before they walked. She said she was too young and dumb to realize that might be a little late for walking with the first child and with the other two, she was too busy chasing the first then second ones to worry about how the third was getting around! Today they all walk perfectly fine - Thank you very much!

Sawyer is getting close to walking. He could now if he wanted to. He plays with our hearts as he pulls up with ease - and marches around furniture, then drops to the floor and crawls away. He has developed a new "trick" of standing on his hands and head and looking backward between his legs. He looks as though he is about to attempt a summersault. The PT has already gotten him to climb up the stairs - a feat Dawn and Greg have spent a great deal of time and money to curtail with gates and diligent guarding of the steep staircases in their home.

Walking. A skill we all need to learn, if possible, yet a skill that takes us away from the cheering section that prodded us to walk in the first place. As parents, we clap and giggle like 5 year olds at the circus when our toddlers begin to take those first independent steps. YEAH! You go baby! Good walking. We do not think at that point that those walking feet will someday go further and further away. Away from home, family and broken hearts.

We strive to make our babies independent. What seems to be annoying and clingy with little ones, is most missed as our "babies" growup and no longer want Mom and Dad to be as deeply involved in their lives. I think that is why mothers delight in their daughters' weddings. They are once again needed - called on for help. They are again involved in their child's lives.

To be clear, walking away is normal. It is as it should be. We, as parents, are meant to prepare our children to be independent. It is a good feeling to know that the toddlers we raised have become self-sufficient, independent adults who can fend for themselves quite well without their family cheering section. (Although many times unseen and unheard we cheer for them from a distance!)

So Sawyer will walk soon. I know it! But take small steps little guy, we still need to be needed. We still need to feel you reach out your small fingers to hold onto our hands for safety. Just know, however far away you may walk, our hearts and prayers go with you, just as they did with your mommy when she walked out of arms reach! God Bless

Of Fathers & Daughters & Sons (&Stuff)

Tomorrow is Father's Day. This is a day I did not celebrate much as a kid. Oh! I bought the card, and usually some "Old Spice" after shave or a carton of cigarettes- (Okay! bad child - but it was politically okay to smoke in the 50's), for my Dad; but I did not think much of the holiday. Probably because it did not center around me!

My Dad. What can I say about the man that was (is) the center of my universe? He was a man of character who had a very hard life. His mother died very young and his father remarried a less than sterling woman who put his two sons out of their home the afternoon of his father's burial. Compasionate neighbors took in the boys - even though that meant living with two different families until they reached the age of 18. Even though he had earned the right to be bitter about his youth, I never heard my Dad say a mean or cruel word about his step-mother. When she died years later, I have a slight memory of a conversation between my Dad and his brother about the funeral which would be in another state. My uncle was all for ignoring it. My Dad reminded him of their half sister and said they needed to send flowers for her sake - and did.

My Dad was not a demonstrative man but I knew to the bottom of my soul that he loved me. he never scattered "rose petals" before my feet, but he could make my heart soar with the words-"That's my good girl!". One way I remember he showed his pride and love was with my report cards. Of course, the teachers always told us to "get them signed and returned the next day". Well, that just didn't happen in my home. My mother would have to call Dad at work and tell him - "Jerry Campbell for Christ's sake! Bring Joanne's report card home at noon! She needs to take it back!" He would carry that card to work with him and show it to everyone he worked with! When returned to school, it was no longer pristine - it was folded, and marked with finger smudges where all the coal covered guys at work at marveled at my academic achievements.

He may not have been overly zealous in telling ME he was proud, but he boldly told the world around me. This year for some reason, Father's Day has brought a cloud of melancholy. I miss him horribly. Tears are never far away this week. I realize that everything I do I temper with what reaction would I get from my Dad? Would he approve? That is always close in mind and heart and he has been physically out of my life for 46 years. Now THAT is some Dad!

One thing I know my Dad would approve of, is my choice of life mate. I did not set out to marry a man like my Dad. However, I did. At 17, I did not consciously say, "Gee Ed has the character traits of my father..." Shoot No! I thought Damn! He's hot ( Black hair - blue eyes ) and I have no earthly idea why he looked twice at me - but I sure am glad he did!

Ed is amazing - as a husband and especially as a father. His commitment to family is amazing. As a mother with a special needs child, I am well aware that having a son who will always have a priority on our time and resources can be a deal breaker on a marriage. Just attending a meeting for families with mentally retarded children will show many marriages do not survive the stress of this variant in a marriage. Mothers are there and many fathers are not! I do not know why many men cut and run when their children are not perfect - but they do. Oh! I am sure many mothers would like to run as well - I can attest to that - but usually they stick around but many fathers are gone.

Both my Dad and my husband are marshmellows. Somewhat crusty on the outside, but mushy on the inside. My friends always thought my Dad was "Mean" but they never knew the soft heart that worried about my friends who did not have parents who were strict. I have heard my daughter's friends comment on her "strict" father too. Like his father-in-law before him, he worried about his little girl and had little concern for what her friends thought of his behavior.

We have a special needs son. Scott is almost 41 now. In the beginning, the majority of his care fell to me. I always knew Ed was close by - but caring for the day to day things was my job. As Scott got older and we faced some obstacles, Ed became our rock. When our "rock" crumbled in 2001 with a heart attack, a new bridge was formed. While in ICU, Scott did not want to leave his Dad, it was like he had some innate sense of danger for his Dad. Ed asked me at one point why Scott had not gone out to the waiting room. He was concerned about his Dad. He would sit and place his hand on his Dad's arm - needing that connection. A couple years later, it was Scott who lay in ICU after a heart valve replacement, and it was his Dad who held his hand and told him not to be scared - it will be okay.

Ed loves his kids and could not be more proud. He, too, carried report cards around or at least bragged of Dawn's grades. While he chided her for her brazen attempts to do be a daredevil at times, he secretly told his buddies how fast she could skate or ride her bike or go fishing with him.

At sixteen, he bought his daughter a car - okay by definition, it had four wheels and a motor, so it was a car. It was also a clunker. She drove it to the mall one Saturday and called home about 8:30 with a report that the car would not start. (Ed says everyone should have to start with a clunker - it gives you character and makes you appreciate a good car when you can afford it!)

He wanted to leave the car there until the next morning - but Dawn was in tears and was embarassed in front of her friends because her "car" would not start. They (the friends) said she would need a tow truck. Well, "thems fightin' words" to my man! So off we went to the now near empty mall parking lot, armed with a screwdriver, hammer and wrench and flashlight. When he heard the challenge from the "snotty nose teenager" (Ed's opinion), he was not going to leave that parking lot until that *$#@ car started. Well, it did and Dawn drove it home. Proud of her Daddy and he was proud to BE her Dad!

I lost my Dad when I was 14. As painful as it was that day, I had no clue how much or how long that would hurt. I know he would be so proud of his grandchildren! Just as this new "Grandpa" is proud of his Sawyer! Like him, his son-in-law will face problems with Sawyer because of the Williams Syndrome. Grandpa cried when we learned of the hurdles our children and grandson will face - but he dried his tears and reverted to being the rock to his family he has always been. His has faith in his "Little Buddy". He loves him without reserve and would not trade one hair on his head - (well, he has to admit the haircut Dawn gave him was a good improvement!)

I am blessed with the family God gave me. My time to learn from and love my Dad was much shorter than I would have chosen. But he gave me more in 14 years than many Dads do in decades. My beloved husband has taken up where Dad left off. He loves his son and daughter and cherishes his "Little Buddy" each day! YES! I AM BLESSED!!!

PS- Happy Birthday Gwen - See I didn't forget!