JOY BEYOND MEASURE!

Approximately two weeks ago, we were preparing for our trip to MA to visit Dawn and her family. Of course, the big news was that her family has grown and now includes our precious granddaughter, Gwendolyn Haley.

I guess you always wonder how a new family member will fit into your life but a new baby? They just reach out and grab your heart and never let go!

We had not seen Dawn and her family since Christmas 08. Almost 5 months. I think that is the longest we have ever gone without a visit. Skype helps and phone calls and emails - but however much our technology has improved and grown, you just simply cannot email a HUG!

Dawn looked great - a little tired - but healthy and very happy. Who would not be tired with an active 2 year old and a new born? Greg jumps in to help all he can but he has had to return to work. Thankfully, his parents are willing to come and stay with Dawn during the days Greg is gone to help with Sawyer. Because of her C-Section, she cannot lift him and some days, he requires a lot of lifting!

We saw so much growth and change in Sawyer in the 5 months we were apart. Oh! he is still "Mr. Personality" - flirting with anyone who notices his big blue eyes - (and how could anyone NOT notice his eyes?!)

There were many changes in him however. He losing his "babyness". He is more angular - taller -. I would not say he is a "schemer" but he does have a fantastic memory for things you would probably prefer he forget... like where you laid down the remote control - or placed Gwen's "binky". Those things he notices, retains and acts on as soon as your back is turned!

In December, he was only beginning to feed himself - and still ate more soft foods than others. Now, he wants to taste everything he sees others eating - that does not mean he may not scrape it out of his mouth if he decides he does not like it, but he is willing to try. Of course, he is walking- sometimes almost running (reference the "binky" stealing thing). That was not happening in Dec. He is signing and even saying more words. He is alert and sometimes, I swear you can see the gears turning in his brain. (Scary!)

And then there is Gwen! Oh sweet little princess! She has a lot of Sawyer in her. Her deep stares with furrowed brows - just like her brother as a little baby. She loves to be talked to - until she remembers that she could be eating and then she goes into a 4 alarm squeal- that does concern her big brother. The Williams Syndrome does make him sensitive to the crying but he seems to be monitoring the point where he becomes concerned enough to join in her emotional display. It is heart-renching to see him so upset but I know this phase, too, shall pass. I just hate it that Dawn and Greg have to deal with this additional stumbling block.

While we were visiting, we went to a park so Sawyer could get some fun play time. There were swings, slides, playhouses, riding toys etc. So many choices, I think it actually overwhelmed Sawyer. He wanted to do all of it, but making a choice was hard and he did not linger long at any choice.

At one point I looked at Dawn who was sitting at a picnic table with Gwen. There was a sadness in her face as she watched her baby boy wander around the playground with his Daddy - searching for the best activity. I was torn between saying something to her or remaining silent and letting her work through her feelings in her own way. I chose silent and have worried that that may have been wrong. What I wanted to say was: Look at your son today - where he is and how far he has come! He is not sitting in the wood chips any more! He is on his feet and expressing his desires - maybe not the desires we may choose for him-
but the choices he wants to make. He is progressing - in his own Sawyer kind of way.

The experts tell us not to compare our children to their peers - and yet they write hundreds of books telling us what to expect our children to be doing at certain age points. How can we not compare? Why does my neighbors' child color a new coloring book perfectly every week and my baby wants to break or eat the crayons? Is one OCD or the other delayed? Maybe neither.

Sawyer loves cars! Your car, my car - the UPS delivery truck! He does not care - if he can sit in it - (not necessarily go anywhere) - he is a happy little camper!

That is the important thing - I think- Sawyer,for the most part, is a happy, healthy boy! That Damn Williams Syndrome (excuse me!) has clouded up our waters - but we still have a beautiful, loving little guy that is not aware that others may be checking their checklists for his milestones. He knows what he wants - and he is thrilled when he gets it. He has a beautiful, amazing little sister, Gwen, who I am sure will give him a run for his money someday. Hopefully, they will be a team! Supportive and caring for each other. Different - yet identical in their core. Raised by an intelligent, beautiful, passionate mother and father that would move heaven and earth to protect them.

Yes, we spent a week in MA with grandchildren this month, and I would not trade one minute for a month in Hawaii or any other beach front property! (And if you know me, you know that is saying alot!)

Of Peaks and Valleys and the Journey in Between!

Almost 43 years ago, I married the man of my dreams! Really- if I could have printed out a picture of the man I wanted to marry when I was - oh say -16, it would have looked remarkably similar to Ed Wilson. (The man I married at age 19). Oh what a peak! Think James Dean, think Fonzi - think Brad Pitt - well no- not Brad Pitt- he turned out to be something else.

A little over a year later, we expected a child, and it was a boy and we continued up that mountain toward another peak! We slid a little when Scott came early - but he was a sweetie and we thought we were headed back up the mountain with our little family.

Through many medical turnstiles, we continued to move - then when Scott was about age 3 - a new doctor asked me, "What school is he in?". I muttered he was too young for school to which the doc said (without looking up from the papers he was scribbling on) - "Oh! But mentally retarded children can start at age 3". He went on with his note making and I ceased to breathe!

I screamed and I cried and I ran out of the clinic. Crushed, broken and gasping for air to return to my hurting lungs. Later I realized it was not my lungs that hurt - that was my heart!

It took many years to stabilize - to get beyond the diagnosis. Finally we returned to Scott - not "Scott my mentally retarded son".

Then came a daughter. The fears returned - would we slide down that mountain again? Would the joy again be clouded by disaster? No! God is good and our pilgrimage to the summit continued.

In February of 2007 Ed and I were so blessed to become grandparents to a beautiful grandson, Sawyer. His penetrating stares could melt your heart. His ear piercing screeks could peel wallpaper from the walls! However, he was ours and love does not begin to touch the depth of the feelings we all had for that little guy.

Sawyer began with an early arrival and had some problems along the way. Hernia, reflux - annoying but not too threatening. Then the day that made our world shake again! At his first annual exam, the doctors began to suspect something far more sinister - Williams Syndrome. What? Never had heard of it! Did not WANT to hear of it. Ed and I sat in the early morning hours crying for what "might" be and holding on to each other for support. It took weeks to get the definitive answer from our daughter. Williams Syndrome.

For probably a period of several months, this genetic deletion reigned over all our lives. It was like a cloud over Sawyer. We saw his magical smile and heard his infectous laugh and yet it was there - "Williams Syndrome".

Gradually, He has come out from under that cloud. He has become Sawyer again. He does Sawyer-like things - not because he has Williams but because he is just Sawyer. To those who might misunderstand and think - Oh! He outgrew it or some such transaction - no! He still has the deletion, but WE have outgrown it. His parents have done a awesome job of giving him every opportunity to surge forward and learn. Pushy - maybe, but he will benefit from that. He is learning daily and becoming even more our Sawyer!

Growing in so many ways is a good thing as he is now BIG BROTHER SAWYER!

On May 1st, Sawyer "welcomed" his little sister, Gwendolyn Haley! Oh! the joy!

We are out of the deep valley where we met "Williams Syndrome" and we are back on that mountain top! Deeply in love with that little girl with the piercing eyes! We can't wait to hold her and smell her and feel the warmth of that sweet little jewel!

Would we appreciate our "peaks" without the valleys? I would be willing to try . . .

Perhaps the weakest moments in our climb make us appreciate the sweetness at the summit. This last week has been pretty darn sweet!