...and the winner is....

not us. Hemingway said, "Ask not for whom the bell tolls, it tolls for thee." I do not think of bells tolling as good things. They are warnings or markers of sad moments. I remember my mother telling me about being alone in the little cottage near Mansfield Ohio where my father worked in the Ohio state reformatory on Dec 7th, 1941. She said she kept hearing bells ringing - lots of bells. The peach tree outside her home scraped the windows in an onerous kind of way and she could hear the paper boys screaming out the call of a special edition on a Sunday - which was very unusual. She was scared and wished for my Dad to come home and somehow make it all right. He eventually came home - but it was not all right for a long time.

Flash ahead to 2008 in another Mansfield, Mansfield MA.Several weeks ago our family was dealt a blow when doctors began to research the possibility that Sawyer might have a weak link - chromosome link that is. How could this perfect little guy harbor such a secret? My mind could not fathom such fate - and my heart? well, it just couldn't tolerate such a blow ---not again.

The days and weeks went by - Dawn and Sawyer were here for a week and if we weren't in love enough already - well, Sawyer just drew us in deeper. Is it possible to drown in love? It is more like quicksand - once you are in - oh boy are you in!

And then it happened. The call. The one I had prayed so hard would never come. The doctors were right - Williams Syndrome had intruded into our little Sawyer's life. I have cried enough tears to float a battleship - I have railed at the heavens for this travesty- and yet nothing changes.

Hopefully, medical science has progressed since the days when doctors asked me when I would "put Scott away" - for the betterment of the family. I am sure they have made huge strides with behavior management and will be able to monitor and assist with his physical needs. That's the thing about Williams (at least from what I have read- and discussed with Dawn). There is a myriad of possibilities - from minimum to major problems. Many, we will not notice until many years down the road - and maybe never. (there comes the optimist in me!)

I look at pictures of Sawyer and his mom and dad over the last year and the thing that stands out most - is love. They love him so much and he loves them. So many people in so many places continue to pray for Sawyer - maybe we didn't get the answer I wanted for these prayers - however, Sawyer is still Sawyer. So many people love him and want the best for him.

I could be mad at God for this trial - and I was. But I still have faith that God will watch over Sawyer and guide those who care for him. I have no doubt Sawyer will make his mark in this world - doing it his way, and that is okay with me as long as I get to be a small part of his life. I may not understand why it has to be this way, but I am glad he is in my life. He is my heart!

I refuse to waste today worrying about tomorrow. The problems we fear the most may never materialize. I want to enjoy the smiles and sloppy hugs Sawyer gives out. I don't care if he smiles because he has Williams Syndrome or because he is just a happy little boy. I love my Sawyer and I expect great surprises from him, just as I did from his Mom and his Uncle Scott. We will face obstacles as a family - together we will help Sawyer be the best young man he can be ... and that's all we can ask of anyone!!